f***ing back off

seriously. NOW

poison

all windows and doors closed from you

little of your light shines through

only the cracks.

poison seeps in

into every conversation

every look

every thought

I need that light

but i'm afraid

'cos your sea is the deepest

stretches the farthest

more than I can imagine.

the smartphone trap.

I'm a new blackberry user. Didn't intend to be one, I was more or less thrown into this world of smartphones when my old trusty Nokia fell into the sea and my sister happened to have a BB that she doesn't use anymore.

So forgive me if I act critically towards your dependence on smartphones as a replacement for real conversations with people who are actually physically present with you. Yes, silent pauses get awkward but resorting to your phones, whatsapping another person makes things worse. 

Forgive me if I can't tolerate your preference to send typed out farewell messages that don't seem as heartfelt as handwritten messages, which speak more than just your words but also your unique self in every flourish of your pen or in the awkward crook of your written alphabets. 

But I'm betraying a part of me that doesn't want to be excused for my intolerance. A part of me gets mad when people bury their noses in their phones. 

SO DON'T LET YOURSELF FALL INTO THAT TRAP. 

meh

grounded feet

I'm slightly pigeon toed (guess who else is? Harry Styles! ahahaha. not really a fan but it makes me feel better about myself, haha) and that makes me worried about how it might affect my back. Sometimes it just hurts, especially when I'm consciously forcing my feet straight.

But I realized something recently, the magic of feeling your weight throughout your feet. Instead of just putting the burden on my heels, I tried distributing my weight to the rest of my feet, all the way to my toes. It makes my back ohhh soo relaxed, and it makes me feel taller as well.

Awesomeee....

I almost can't believe how I bored you out with this post. who talks of their feet and back in their casual posts? I hope that picture of Harry Styles makes up for this boring post

ps-but still, another thing i almost can't believe is how i have his picture in my blog. lol-ness...

It's not about gender. It's about how serious you are about what you do

I had a conversation yesterday with someone I respect a lot for the role he plays in our ministry. The topic went to the girls we know going further in their studies than the guys who don't seem as serious about their lives. I just smiled in return but secretly disagreed. Because after my two years in IB, Penang and all around, I can't help but to think things to be the other way round.

I've seen more boys than girls being truly serious in what they do. 

*by the way, prepare yourself for undecidedness in this post, it's gonna be a direct cut-and-paste of my train of thoughts rather than a properly structured, well thought-out post*

So back to what I was saying, I've seen more boys than girls doing better in what they do. When I try to think back to instances when I've observed this, they're mainly at competitions and interviews where the boys' intelligence and sharpness blow me away and I'm like "where the heck did that idea come from?". But come to think about it, I'm always nervous and easily intimidated when it comes to competitions and I may have exaggerated my view of these boys. Because really there were also girls towards whom I thought the same thing - "where the heck did that idea come from?". 

What struck me as a similarity between these boys and girls is the focus and energy that they put into what they're doing. Yes, they're still humans and still play around when they want to, but when it comes down to work, they put their whole heart into it. Personally, I think that guys have more of what my friend calls crude bravery. They're not afraid to give their all despite the possibility of failure. Girls... dare I say this? I'll just put it in first person then. I generally don't take as many risks which also means when it comes down to business, I hold back in putting every possible effort in achieving what I want. Is it fear? It's not that obvious but when I reflect on it, yes, I think it is.

However, (see, I told you, lots of changing opinions here) there's so many outliers to this generalization. So many that I can't even call these outliers, outliers. It defies the definition of the word. I've seen girls so brave that they shame them boys, that people actually say that these girls got 'balls'. I've seen guys whose meticulous focus on their task at hand puts us girls to shame since we're often the ones expected to be experts at this skill.

So I've come down to this, that it isn't  about gender, or whether or not you have enough crude bravery or the ability to work hard. It comes down to how serious you are about what you're doing. What motivates you? How much blood and sweat are you willing to put in to what you do? Then, no matter what gender you are, you'll frikin move mountains and have people thinking "s**t, where the heck did that come from?"

On a final note, let's stop stereotyping between sexes. It releases both the person you're judging and yourself from the limited structure we've built and restricted ourselves with for generations.