I'm quite broken about the fact that I can't spend as much time as I thought I could back home.
it used to be a month that I thought could spend back home, before i had to spend the bulk of summer in KL for the internship, before I a few weeks before flying back to London then spending the next two years there, as I know I won't be coming back next summer cos I'll be doing in internship overseas then. then after, I'll seldom be home because work is in KL, not Kuching.
it then became 3 weeks, because I had to stay for a workshop in London. then it became 2 weeks, not even the full 14 days, because we had to push the date back a little more. less time at home.
Who knew that leaving for London meant that home would no longer be the place I spend most of my time at? The implications of flying away from the nest are painfully, painfully sinking in.
It used to be that I would get to spend the whole 10 weeks of internship living with my sister. with another sister also living in KL, i thought that those 10 weeks away from home wouldn't be so bad after all, at least half of home would be there with me. but then the news came that my favourite second sister (note, I don't actually have favourites, it's a joke i share with her) has to transfer to Korea, ko-freakin-rea.
so then it became around 8 weeks that I'll have with her. Well, thank God, at least I have the time with her.
Then her company decided that she would transfer by the end of May. I would have just finished my exams! my freakin exams! I wouldn't even have to time to catch her before she flew.
Who knew that I might not see yet another sibling for at least another year? the pains of growing up and growing apart... sinking in. painfully, again, of course.
nothing is permanent is it? I can't easily be in that setting of having my whole family together again, like old times. "like old times" is gonnna be a very rare phrase in my life now. in fact, it always is, very rare, for everyone growing up, it's just hard to accept.
it's hard to accept that harsh fact, to let go, to accept what I know is permanent, because I've been hoping on the fleeting, temporary joys for too long.
Aw Steph :( I know the feeling don't worry. Change is annoying. But there's a quote that really helped me, which you might find helpful I don't know.
ReplyDelete"Which do you want, the pain of growth, or the pain of staying where you are?"
I've got it on my wall, and it reminds me that although growth and pain is hard, I'd still rather that than the pain of staying still. Sending much love your way ♥
oh nooo, I thought I sent my reply! I'll just type it again
ReplyDeletethanks morgie, and yeah it's true, I'd rather grow than stay the same. sending buckets of love your way too, huge huge buckets since you'r closer now and it's cheaper to send ;)
hope to see you soon :)